Sublimely UnSublimable

"I said it, but it wasn't me and if you knew me -- and God is my witness --"
"So, sir, you didn't steal a bottle of soda pop?"
"My mama and daddy, they mamas and daddies, and they friends can tell you I ain't like that . . ."
"And you didn't hit the clerk, a pregnant woman, on the head with it when she tried to take it back -- how old are you?"
"I'm 32 and I ain't never been in trouble before . . . not the real me . . . you ever watch them TV shows of how our people be acting up in prisons?"
"Have you ever been in prison?"
"They say I snatched a woman's purse, took her car keys and ran over her, but, like I said, all my relatives and friends told reporters and the Judge that it wasn't the real me."
"Who was it?"

I don't know, but they'll tell anybody that I jes wanna go to college, git educated to be a leader for our people, like some of our preachers is . . ."
"Actually, going to college these days might do you more damage than good . . . there's much teaching on how to be anti-authoritative.  In fact, some professors are trying to get a law passed that all elementary schools should establish a course that teaches children 'How To Hate Authority Sublimely',"
" 'Subtly-blindly?'  I don't know what that mean, but I sho' don't believe in teaching children to hate, although I don't believe in being taken to jail or prison for nothing, either."
"You ever been shot by a policeman?"
"Why you ask me that?"
"Because a lot of these dudes are always claiming that they're getting arrested or shot 'for nothing', even if we can plainly see them resisting arrest."

"Well, like my relatives and friends will swear on a stack of Bibles that the real me wouldn't lie to keep from going to jail or prison . . . one time this policeman shot me . . ."
"For what?"
"They say I stole a mop."
"A mop?  Why would you steal a mop?  You can buy one for a dollar."
"Ain't that sump'um . . . anyway, they say this policeman and clerk rode down on me walking on the sidewalk with this mop  and I told them that I found it, but he was gonna take me to jail for nothing and at my trial the clerk testified that I resisted arrest and the policeman shot me.  But later my relatives sued the police people for a million dollars and the jury gave us three million . . . ."