Upside Down

He said:
"Sometimes I'm convinced that if our brains were in the place opposite to our head we'd have achieved opposite results years ago for problems that we charge with plaguing us.  I've seen pictures of people walking across red-hot coals in their bare feet.  Now, who would try that with their head?  I've often talked to my head, telling it to get me out of some situation before I got popped on my left ear, but I've never talked to my feet.  On wintry nights in this little town where I used to live, population 829, neighbors would visit my grandmother and they'd sit around our pot-bellied iron stove in in our shabby sitting room and tell ghost stories.  At a certain point if the ghost wasn't big enough I'd nod off, and my grandmother would see me every time.  'It's time for you to go to bed,' she would say.  I just knew that ghosts were waiting for me in my dark room.  We didn't have electricity.  We used a kerosene lamp and took it from room to room.  'I--uh--not sleepy,' I would say quickly,  half asleep, knowing she might pop me on my left ear for contradicting her.  'Boy, I see you nodding.'  My head would say "move",but my feet never budged, and her hand would shoot out and pop me one on the left ear.  Then off my feet would take me.

"Once when I was 9 years old and left the house to go to the store and was crossing a street, this car seemed to come slowly from out of no where and my forehead kissed its door as it passed and I fell back on my butt.  The driver stopped and hurried over to me, but I told him that I was okay, although I had a lump on my forehead.  I went back to the house and the moment I walked in my grandmother saw the lump and with a concerned look rushed over to me.  'What happened to you?' she said.  'I walked into a car,' I said.  'Fool, you too stupid not to walk into a car?'  Before my feet could move she had popped me one on my left ear.  If my brains had been in my feet I would not have immediatly gone back to the house after walking into that car and by now I would be experienced in talking to my feet instead of my head and wouldn't have my left ear bigger than the right ear and sometimes leaning unreasonably toward the left before realizing it and straightening up and walking right..

"But, on the other hand, since heat rises from the ground up, my feet would probably be telling me, 'Get me out of all this hot air.' "