For Whom The Phrase Turns

Back early just for the following:

"We wants everybody who turned our phrase into sump'm else to 'pologize!"
"But why shouldn't  it apply to all --"
"Naw -- hell naw -- we meant it for us and nobody else -- it's our thang -- if we'd meant it for everybody --"
"But don't you see how much more powerful -- and sincere --"
"You can't question us 'bout no sincere when we putting our butts on the line out here -- that phrase means us and jes us . . ."

"I grant that you people thought it up -- and I'm so sorry that I didn't give you people credit for your creativity, but I must insist that the rukus that you people are making by wanting to apply it just  to black people . . ."
"Then put 'black' back in it cause we don't want nobody profiting on this but us -- and we want a 'pology for taking 'black' out of it!"

"Okay, okay, I'm so terribly sorry that I took the word 'black' out of it, but it seemed kind of racist just applying it to black people --"
"Racist?  How dare you call us black people racist.  We been taught by our leaders that black people can't be racists 'cause it  takes economic power to be racist -- we ain' got no economic power, no education power, no --"
"But you had your own stores, restaurants, hotels, and other businesses -- and your own schools and teachers, but you people gave all that up just to be among us --"
"Now, see, there you go accusing us, making it our fault --"
"Oh, please forgive me my ignorance -- oh, my Holy Lord, I'm just blind to your people's intelligence and fairness.  Please forgive me, I'm just so sorry . . ."
"Now, you is talking lak we wants to hear you talk . . . everytime we disagree wit' y'all we want  to hear y'all 'pologizing else we gon' be lak 'ICE-IS,' cause confusion . . . ."

Now This

Hamjambo? (Hello, how are all of you?)

The pen ponders while it wanders yonder until August 7.  In the meantime there is much scam that we must send on the lam while we continue  to shimi-sham and jimi-jam in the flim-flam

Yep?  Nope?  Mmm.

See you, kwa herini, shalom, ciao, zai jian! hasta luego, a bientot.

Can't Call Him "Terrorist?"

". . . we have no idea what motivates these individuals to carry out these killings, this distruction . . ."

 "But, sir, our High Office -- the most powerful in the world -- that you occupy is constantly in touch  with international intelligence agencies and you mean to tell us that you don't consider a Muslim to be a terrorist after he's attacked two Armed Forces Recruiting Centers and killed members of our Armed Forces?  Couldn't his hatred of Americans be enough of a motivating force to qualify him as a terrorist?"
"We have no proof of this being the work of a terrorist, and until all the facts are in we can not accuse this individual of being a terrorist."

"But, sir, Muslim terrorists throughout the world are calling for men and women in all nations to rise up and join them in killing Americans, civilians, soldiers, and police in their respective countries, and young people are identifying with these terrorists.  Are you telling us that this Muslim's killing of these members of our Armed Forces was a case of mistaken identity, that this terrorist didn't know that he was going to find members of our Armed Forces there?  He thought he was going to find American men, women, and children there singing, praying, and reading Bibles?  And if a loner hasn't been proven to be a card-carrying terrorist affiliated with some terrorist group neither you nor I or anyone can call him a terrorist?"

"Now, please, let us not get off into nonsense.  Just as we could not call that Muslim who killed all those members of our Armed Forces at Fort Hood a terrorist -- he was merely a work-disturber -- we can not call this lone individual a terrorist for carrying out the work of terrorists by killing members of our Armed Forces . . ."

"Please forgive my nonsense, sir, but how have you managed to remain in our High Office this long without being impeached or encouraged to resign?"

Two = Four -- Or More

You can place complete faith in my word, sir.  We are a people whom  you can trust with your life.  Hundreds of years of our history are filled with evidence of our sincerity, our truthfulness.  All those countries that we conquered and ruled for centuries are proof of the worth of our word.  Being an honorable and incorruptible people is an integral part of our culture.  For as long as you're "in our tent" we are obligated to protect you, to treat you as an honored guest; the moment you step outside we have the privilege of slitting your throat.  You often have reminded us of that moment in history when we threw out the Shah and kept some fifty of you Americans as prisoners in dark underground cells for months and months, your fate subject to our whims.  And you might think of that as a betrayal of our responsibility to protect anyone "in our tent," but, in truth, you Americans were not "in our tent" you were "in the tent" of the Shah whom we had overthrown.  But we are friends again and you need have no fear of us reneging on any agreement.  Those pictures on TV last week of thousands of Iranians surging through the streets screaming "Death to the Americans" and "Destroy Isreal" was merely clever agitation.

Thank you, sir, for those comforting words.  I, too, represent a  history of people who have always believed that our word must be our bond, holy.  I'm sure that you, as people throughout the world, know the extreme injury that can befall one who is under yoke and gun of a master keen enough to distinguish the hint of a lie from his vassal.  The history of the world is laden with the sorrowful tales of those wretches bludgeoned to dust for daring to persuade a master with sophistry.  But admission of some nefarious deed to the master ment certain death.  So the vassal had to beome eloquent in cradling a lie in such terms and temper that the devil himself could not decipher it as a lie.  Over the centuries such energetic "truth-telling" has become a part of our DNA.  You see, sir, I'm quite skilled and profuse in the power of words and do not use them glibly.  If I give my word to the people on the worth of an agreement in which I diddled and my word obfuscates banks throughout nations will close and nations will perish.  You and I, sir, are men of a few words.  In fact, you might say that we are two people whose few words cleverly comprise four meanings -- or more.

Timely Self-Adjusted Pill

"Dr., my mind is in turmoil.  I can't sleep without being haunted by nightmares.  I can eat only snacks.  I'm tormented by the fear of falling . . . I need a pill that self-adjusts to treat any problem that disturbs me at a given time . .  ."
"How long have you had this problem, sir?"
"For several weeks -- ever since they took the pole away that displayed that flag . . ."
"Oh, you wanted the flag to remain?"
"It's not about the flag, Dr., it's about the hole that the flagpole left . . . they tried to cover it, but it's still there beneath the cover.  I see it everywhere I go, in the floors of my apartment, swallowing me up in bed at night, even walking with me down the streets and I stumble, thinking I'm suddenly seeing a bottomless black pit in front, on my sides, in back of me -- I'm constantly about to be hit by cars as I jump from that hole that I seem about to fall into.  You've got to help me Dr. . . ."

"How did you feel about the flag?"
"Going along with some others, I wanted to see it go, but since I've been having these nightmares about that hole I -- I'm a devout Christian and I know the Lawd works in mysterious ways -- maybe the Lawd's trying to tell me something . . ."
"Like what?"
"Like it wasn't my flag and maybe if I and some of my people had a flag that represented -- in a special way -- a historic experience I might not want anybody to take it from us -- and this hole ain't just touching me, it's causing people to react to my jumpingness, and people all over the world -- people who ain't never even been to our country and don't know nothing about its history is upset about this flag-business . . ."
"You say that the Lord works in mysterious ways . . . you think that maybe the Lord brought this hole-business to you to teach something -- and won't give you any peace until you do . . ?"

"You mean refill that hole with that flagpole displaying that flag . . ?"
"Well, meaningful statues, momuments, art, and books around that flag are being desecrated . . . you're trampling on the sacrifices and heroism portrayed in the lives of hundreds of thousands of souls, men, women, and children who honored that flag or despised it; are they to be erased, destroyed, as if they never lived?  Can the true history of the people arguing against that flag be told by them entertaining only a view defiling the flag?  Where does the destruction end?"

The Bow-Wow Cometh

"In my country there is no racial problem -- nobody have race."
"How long has this been going on?"
"In  all countries in this Hemisphere we once have only RU YU people, but you LA LA people come in ships, take over country and make babies with RU YU women.  Now in all these countries we all wanna be LA LA people."
"But I've seen many in these countries who still look like RU YU people, your ancestors . . ."
"Soon LA LA men give all RU YU women babies and all RU YU people soon disappear like BU HOO people that you LA LA people brought on ships to pick cotton and cut cane on plantations . . ."

"What happened to the BU HOO people in y'alls countries?"
"We no want people who look like BU HOO people in our families.  We make BU HOO people want babies who look like LA LA people.  Now if you see BU HOO people they know we no like'em and -- like us -- they say they LA LA people, even though they still look like BU HOO people."
"But we LA LA people believe in the LA LA race, believe in the five races . . . that's why we provide RU YU and BU HOO people with housing, food, clothing, education, jobs . . ."
"LA LA people smart -- one race okay, but five races no good . . ."

"You'll still have to deal with the billions of CHINU CHINU and billions of HINYU HINYU people to have only one race . . ."
"Pee on you . . . you know where that expression come from?"
"No, but all you RU YU and BU HOO people do is sit around talking about the wise sayings passed down from y'alls ancestors . . ."
"Well, our ancestors passed down to us that one day long ago the RU YU, LA LA, and BU HOO men were sitting on the ground in a circle discussing the Great Spirit and wondering if IT had to eliminate the race or races that contributed the least to human advancement what race or races would it be, and a dog came by.  The dog stared at them for a time and then went around sniffing at each man, and each time it sniffed a RU YU or BU HOO man it peed on him."

Way To Go, Ladies!

BAM!  WHAM!  WHAM!  BAM!  The American women have scored an astonishing, incredible goal on the average of every three minutes of the first  twelve!  America 4, Japan 0!  The game is over -- but how can that be?  It has just begun!  But it's over!

Not quite.  For over ninety minutes of dripping sweat, gripped by an unyielding challenge on a seemingly endless stretch of green the American women continued to charge -- giving no quarter, expecting none -- against a determined former foe who had been victorious in a pervious contest between them for a championship.

But America has the toughest, the greatest women soccer players in the world!  They epitomize the courage, strength, talent, endurance, and comportment of champions!

How many years of fighting back tears -- never surrendering -- gritting down the uncompromising pain of sprains, torn ligaments, even broken bones wrenching those marvelous legs, hips, the back, testing the will, the stamina to fight beyond exhaustion, fight to the sweet solace of a 5-2 American victory over Japan.  You knew and the millions throughout the world who always believed, always knew that you, ladies, would be at the top, the most renown of the soccer world this July Five, Two Thousand Fifteen!  Long may you reign!

HUHN?

"Would you classify it as rigmarol?"
Well, we keep being inspired with brilliant ideas on how to defend ourselves from these Muslim terrorists.  First, we were told that these Muslim terrorists blowing up and shooting people by the thousands and cutting off people's heads were not dangerous, that they were just a few junior league malcontents wanting to be noticed.

These "junior league" terrorists were taking over more and more cities in different countries, and able-bodied men, instead of fighting these "junior league" terrorists invading their cities, were running as if on fire to become refugees with the women and children, leaving the terrorists to destroy long-cherished artifacts, books, museums, and irreplaceable art pieces
'These poor, disgruntled terrorists are not mean and evil,' we were then told.  'They're just unhappy and angry because they don't have jobs.  We must build up their economy for them.  All they want is to work.'
Unfortunately, these Muslim terrorists must not have heard that brilliant idea because they didn't stop shooting and cutting off people's heads but added burning them alive to the carnage.  We heard nothing more about that brilliant idea of giving them jobs.

Watching a man consoling thousands of sad, sorrowful people throughout the nation with a song, many thought that his brilliance was irrefutable.  They agreed:  'Oh, if only we had a Commander-In-Chief like that we'd put him on a world-wide TV hook-up to lead millions in singing to the Muslim terrorists.  And the terrorists, like happy tots, would throw down their knives and guns and join us in singing, praising, and loving America.'
A few voices grumbled:  'You can't expect the people of Israel who are threatened day and night with attacks at bus-stops, on buses, at restaurants and clubs, in schools and hospitals, and in their homes by terrorists to trust this singing Commander-In-Chief to stop Iran from getting a nuclear bomb to use against them.'
'Why he'd be recognized as the world's greatest strategist, telling the world how fearless he and our political party are; delegations from all over the world will be racing to him, paying our government millions of dollars to have him sing to their enemies.  We'd need no fighting equipment, save billions of dollars, not have to fire a single shot.  Just sing our enemies to death . . . maybe send them some flowers, too . . . maybe then -- if he doesn't refer to them as Muslim terrorists -- they won't cut off our heads or shoot us or blow us up, especially since our motto is No Justice No Peace.  They'll see that we'll riot, burn, loot, that we ain't against violence --  why we'll  even provoke people to shoot us and burn down our churches . . .'
"Huhn?"